Death

 When I was a child, my mother taught me this common bedtime prayer:

"Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep,

And if I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take."

I don't know the origin of this prayer, but it expresses the promise of the scripture that "to be away from the body is to be present with the Lord" 2 Corinthians 5:8

Death is a universal, unescapable reality.  It is no respecter of persons, happening both to old and young, rich and poor.  It is a central feature of all religions, even those worldviews claiming to reject religion.  When I was a child, I was afraid to die.  This bedtime prayer gave me hope that death was not something to fear.  In my teen years, I forgot about death.  Of course, I knew it was still a reality, but it seemed so far away.  Currently, the inescapability of death comes to mind time and time again.  And something close to fear, but not dread.  I believe in the resurrection of the dead.  But something in me fears the dying process.  I wonder when I'm dying– if I'm conscious in those moments– will I be afraid?

I see people in our world doing extraordinary things– Jeff Bezos and other billionaires have their own space shuttles to take themselves to space.  Elon Musk wants to colonize Mars and upload human consciousness to the cloud.  These ultra-wealthy tech moguls seem to be pushing the boundaries God has assigned for us.  The later is something I think most would do if presented with some evidence of its viability.  But I would never do such a think.  I think it is tantamount to a reject of union with Christ and belief in the resurrection of the dead, ultimately perhaps forfeiting glorification.  I know that even if some one day promote the escape of death, I will willing die so that I may meet my Lord.  I still have so many questions about death: Why can we not see scientifically what lies beyond death?  Why can't we hear from our dead loved ones?  I still have fleeting doubts: What if this life is all there is and when we're dead, we're done?  Such a thought seems unbearable.  I reject this not because of it's unbearable nature, but because, as I said, I believe in the resurrection.  I believe the scriptures and the evidence for the resurrection of Christ.  Yet, in a secular culture, these thoughts envelope me from time to time.  However, as an adult, my hope is refreshed not by a bedtime prayer but by reading the scriptures.  And prayer, which admittedly, I should do more.

So what is my relationship with death?  It intimidates me, but I will not succumb to fear.  Scripture says that Christ has freed us from the power of the devil, among which is the fear of death that all people were previously held captive (Hebrews 2:14-15).  I am free.  I will meditate on this freedom I have so that when the false promise of escapism or the reality of my mortality is front and center I will smile as I open the door to meet my Lord.

My Eschatology: From Agnosticism to Preterism

One of the many benefits of teaching theology is that I am paid to continually learn about my faith.  Eschatology, the study of final things, has never been a big interest of mine.  In the early years of my Christian life, I remember watching John Hagee and Jack Van Impe interpret obscure biblical texts and current events and thinking how strange they were as bible teachers.  I also remember watching Christian films which focused on the rapture– such as Left Behind– and being terrified that I would miss being taken up by the Lord and what would become of me as a Christian thereafter.  When I went to seminary, I remember the rapture being mocked as a naive view but I was not clear on the alternatives.  Occasionally, I'd hear discussions on the end times and hear terms such as the millennium, the tribulation, the 7 years of Daniel, etc that I did not understand. So, without intending to do so, I resigned myself to being agnostic on these matters and the end times positions.

However, when I began teaching Bible doctrines, I began reading my primary teaching text and gained some understanding.  I supplemented this with other readings and a ton of YouTube videos on the subject and I came to orient myself to the general discussion and the three most prominent views: Premillennialism, Amillennialism, and Postmillennialism.  I then became familiar with terms I had never heard before, such as: Futurism and Preterism.  Like many Christians, my experiences caused me to assume that all interpretations of eschatological bible prophecy were in the future, but I now know that some believe that many prophecies have actually occurred in the past.  Preterism holds that many of the prophecies associated with the end of the world (such as Jesus' words in Matthew 24) actually refer to an end of the Jewish age in judgment and the being of the church age.  Arguments are made, in part, from looking at similar language of judgment in the Old testament that signaled divine judgment and the destruction of nations.  Additionally, Preterists argue that Jesus' promise to come "soon" or within "this generation" fit with their belief that the coming of the Lord was the temporal judgment of the Jewish nation in the destruction of the temple in 70 AD. 

After considering this new view (that is new to me), I find it very convincing.  However, it is still unclear to me how and why certain transitions from past to future are made in places such as Revelation 19 and 21-22.  I would like to do more study in these areas.

Ephesians

This morning I listened to Ephesians on my YouVersion Bible App and it once again impressed on me the importance of intaking scripture in long-form, not simply a few verses, or even a chapter a day.  Daily life can seem mundane or give me the sense of being stuck or defeated, but Ephesians (the book in total) presents a glorious vision of my place in God's cosmic story, my call, via my spiritual gifts, but more importantly as a Christian.  Ephesians also presents my future– to achieve full manhood and grow up into the head, who is Christ, to no longer be tossed about by every wind of doctrine.   Such a glorious vision!  To achieve such, not only must Pastors, Evangelists, Prophets, Teachers, etc be faithful in their service but I must expel wicked lust and greed from my life. This is the vision that we need to be reminded of regularly.  This is the vision that my daily thoughts and actions should be moving towards.  Ephesians is a wonderful book!

The Challenges of Finding a Church

 The best churches I've been a part of have always been small churches, but they have also been churches where I've spent a number of years.  My first church was almost by accident– our family intended to go to another church, but they were closed when we arrived.  We reached out to another one and spoke to Ms. Oliver– a wonderful educator who I later grew to have a lot of respect for.  This church is best described as a small, traditional, black baptist church.  We sang hymns.  Church services lasted several hours.  There was Sunday school before and Fellowship time after.  At least monthly there was some kind of evening service (which of course did not mean the morning service was cancelled– we just had church all day!).  Belong to this congregation seemed to require a lot of us, but perhaps that's why my time there was so meaningful.  I fully gave myself to the growth of that church, and they to me (as I was in high school during my time there).

Finding a church almost 20 years later seems much more difficult.  Certainly, between that first church and today I have belonged to some great churches, but now with two young children– 7 and 3 years old– and a wife there are more needs to consider.  In the last two years it has become increasingly difficult due to my wife's diagnosis of lupus, which is an autoimmune disease that severely affects her stamina, among a number of other factors. It just became too much of a toll on her body to drive out to a church so far, sit through an entire service, walk around greeting people, etc.  Recently, her condition is somewhat improved, but I can't see our family being as involved as my family was growing up– and if we have less of ourselves to give to church, it seems to follow that we'll have less of a sense of connection, given my previous experiences.

Personally, I've found it challenging finding a church after going to seminary.  It took me a number of years (and counting??) to listen to sermons without being hypercritical.  Nevertheless, I have found it difficult to find a church because many pastors tailor their messages to new Christians addressing primarily felt needs.  And while there is certainly a place for that, where are the messages to help maturing Christians?  Where are the messages that focus more on expounding the bible than teaching via personal stories.  It seems many sermons today are simply spiritual motivational talks.  I want something more, for myself and my family.  I know many churches strategically emphasizes these things to reach the unchurched, but what about the training for believers to be equipped to reach the unchurched in their daily lives?  What about the chronic biblically illiteracy present among American Christians today or our inability to defend the faith?  I know there are parachurch ministries designed to address these things, but why should our people have to belong to a church and actively avail themselves of dozens of parachurch resources.  Most people do not have time for that!  Nor do they always know how to separate the wheat from the chaff, in terms of resources.  Should not the church curate this material?  Better yet, should not our churches be the training house of Christian education?  I know there are churches out there doing this, but we need more.  They should be the norm, but right now they are the exception.

Giving

This morning I read 2 Corinthians 8 - 10 where Paul is encouraging believers in Achaia to make good on their monetary pledge.  An iconic verse from this section is: "Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."  I have heard this verse many times, often– interesting– with churches who teach a mandatory tithe and ask for offerings above those (with cheerfulness).  What I found interesting is that the broader context of this chapter relates cheerful giving with preparedness.  It is much easier to give cheerfully when one prepares little by little.  While Paul's primary intention is to collect money for those in need we learn the gift is not gathered when the offering plate is passed but little by little through the sacrificial choices we make on a daily basis.  It is difficult to do this kind of giving because it requires a lifestyle change.  I have given cheerfully in the past but currently I am not giving at all.  I would like to change that but I'm not sure how.

I teach high school students

For the last two and a half years, I have had the wonderful privilege of teaching a class on Biblical worldview to high school juniors at a Christian school.  In many ways, this is a dream come true!  I remember working in Campus Ministry enjoying preaching and working in small groups with students, but longing to exercise my mind in a more academic fashion.  I remember one day specifically leaving the office and on a grassy knoll seeing a professor encircled by students outside the chapel.  I have no idea the subject or the lesson, but he held their attention– and mine.  I could not get this image out of my head.  This is the best of teaching: Connecting with those who connect with your love, whatever it may be, and learning together.  I have had more than a few moments like this. I have also had days when I felt like I was missing their minds and hearts, on multiple levels.  I want to continue to improve; there's so much about effective teaching that I still don't know. However, if I'm honest, it's been hard over these last few years because my life is not going according to plan.  I thought I was going to pastor in a traditional church; this is why I got my M.Div.  I thought I was going to be a writer/director; this is why I went to film school.  Granted, I am successfully working closely in one of my degree fields (I don't mean to complain– I am really thankful); however, I am not satisfied.  I miss traditional ministry, like when I was in high school preaching in my home church.  And I feel like a failure with respect to film (I have had a few opportunities, perhaps I'll write on them in the future).  Is it possible to be thankful and discontent at the same time?  Where am I supposed to be?

Coming back

I'm starting this again.